Moments is a series I originally created on my instagram (@ziggyskye)
I thought it could be fun to tell some personal stories along with my doodles
Last week I sang an original song at an open mic. It was my first time singing something I wrote in front of people. It’s called “Love Song for a Friend”, about my friend Nelson, who I lived with my first 4 years in LA.
Some things I learned from this experience:
Nothing is serious.
I mean- obviously there are serious issues in the world as a whole, but as far as daily life goes, people tend to take themselves way too seriously. Fear of embarrassment is so real, especially in this generation. I’ve come to accept that I am a constantly learning human. I will never have all the answers. Neither will you. It’s okay to be a beginner, it’s okay to try new things. How else will we grow?
When I was about to start singing I said-
“I am not a musician, I’m a tattoo artist”
I thought about that a lot afterwards. Why am I putting myself into categories? Why am I not a musician? I am on stage making sounds. Is that not what musicians do?
guys… i am finally free from the confines of expectations
I was also recently described as “tomboy femme”, been thinking a lot about that as well. lol. I was contemplating how the queer community puts themselves into categories, even though that’s what we work so hard to overcome. And I understand to a degree.. coming up with words and categories to find your community, but I wonder if it’s healthy to confine your entire being into a label. At the same time- who am I to talk- I still don’t understand my sexuality. Why? Because I’m an ever changing human and nothing matters!!!!
When I tell myself nothing matters, I am able to take a look at my life and realize the privilege I have just to do the things I can do. The things I stress about are nothing to some, maybe a lot to others. My life isn’t in danger, and I can truly do whatever I want. I am free of anyone’s expectations. That is my 2025 mantra. I’ll bleach my eyebrows, get that pixie cut, wear that silly outfit that I love, I can change my mind as much as I want because nothing is permanent.
Love is everywhere.
I have been absolutely soul crushing, unbearably, horrendously heartbroken in the past. Honestly, I hated to hear this when i was going through it, but time really does heal. But when you are in the thick of it, nothing feels good, nothing is right, it feels like it will never be right. But it will <3
I’ve been finding a lot of love in my friendships. Feeling sentimental about the past, thinking about the love I’ve had, and how that brought me to the love I have.
Though me and Nelson don’t talk much or hang out all the time, we have a deep love for each other. It’s unconditional love. We are in different places, but he helped me become who I am today.
I cried writing him a song. He cried listening to my song.
We didn’t really talk much about it, but it meant a lot to me.
Love is everywhere because I have the ability to notice. I have finally escaped the period of grief that makes me feel hopeless.
The grocery store clerk that smiles at me that makes me feel love. I feel love from my cat meowing at the door, waiting for me to come inside. I saw a mother and son eating ice cream at the shop, laughing about nothing, and I feel love. I buy myself groceries and I feel love. An old friend messaged me to say she was thinking about me, I felt love.
this is all cheesy and not super profound, but it feels so good to be loved and held by the world when for so long I felt like it was against me.
Anyways, the open mic was good and I hope to sing more of my own songs in the future, hopefully with a band one day.
Shout out anyone who is sensitive and has gone through narcissistic abuse. frfr our strongest soldiers.
Some people are able to crawl inside your mind, prey on your sensitivity, and steal your shine, just because it feeds their ego. When they have what they need they will leave you confused, feeling hopeless. This is seriously one of the hardest feelings to overcome. All I can do to avoid this feeling, is to rely on what I know for fact, and that is my intense understanding on who I am. I can be hurt, but nobody can take me from me. It took me a while to realize that, but it truly is the key to my peace of mind.
And if you can let me be a little messy for a second, my last relationship ended because he said “I really need to know what it’s like to be single, and focus on my career”. Through making friends around LA I know that this is not an uncommon thing to hear from a man. lmao. Mind you not even 1 month before that he’s talking about me being “the one” and talking about what we would name our kids. I started to feel constrained creatively when I was with him. Like my successes were not nearly as important as his. Even so, I really wanted it to work. To the point I was basically begging for his support.
I’m sorry I’m not your sideline girl I’m sorry for needing to be the player And not your cheerleader I’m sorry I took too much space I didn’t belong there By your side I’m too big for this place I need my own space
3 months after we break up I see a random girl watching my stories on instagram, come to find out he has a new girlfriend after all the talk on how he has never been able to just be single. I’ll admit- at this time I was drunk every day, wayyyyyy too online, and mentally unwell so of course, I confront him.
“She’s not my girlfriend”
haha ok. That was a few months ago now (they are still together, I’m also sober now thank you god). And my theory on this is that he wants to seem like a cool, good person and try to make me happy even still, just to feed his own ego. So he feels good. I’ve learned that people will sometimes be seemingly kind on the surface, but it’s just to make themselves feel in control.
I recommend blocking your ex. Now everything I know about him just comes from other people against my will. I feel so much more at peace.
I have been the type of person in a relationship to blindly give everything to another person. I can’t do it anymore. I loved my ex, more than anything, but in the end my trust was broken, and that is trust that cannot be repaired. Only he knows the type of bond we had, I cannot describe it, but suddenly not having it really threw me for a loop. Luckily, I have learned to be even more Ziggy because of it.
Anyways this obviously hurt me, but I dodged a bullet. He hurt me, he has hurt people before me, and he will eventually hurt her too. I hope she realizes sooner than I did.
To anyone who understands what I’m talking about, I love you and you are so strong it’s actually coocoo bananas
sometimes a smile can be deceiving
To end my first blog post on a fun note I’m gonna share some inspo and things to look forward to.
Winter is hard. Congratulations you’ve almost made it out! I was definitely feeling those mid-winter blues. January sucks. I really need to stop being surprised when it sucks. It’s literally so hard every year.
current mood board:
current read:
ok chickens I love you if you took the time to read this. xoxoxoxo